Hella Stella

I'm a jeans girl, through and through. If I have a choice between jeans and any other pants/skirts, I'll choose my blues.

This created some problems when I first started working a desk job. I bought several pairs of fancy dress pants, knowing that I would look more professional if I got in the habit of wearing them during the week. But then? I stopped caring. Harsh, but true. I'm just so much more at ease when I'm wearing jeans. They are more comfortable, they are warmer, and they don't look dirty when Morty brushes against them in the morning. These are important things. Also? Even when I force myself to wear dress pants, it's still not enough to disguise the fact that I am a bit of a scrub.

Anyway. I bought new jeans this weekend, because all my old pairs are torn and faded. These are nice and dark, comfortable, and nearly appropriate for the office. The catch? They are so dark that the dye is running. My legs are a weird shade of blue. My hands are blue. When I scratch my nose, it smudges blue. I'll have to wash them several more times before the colour sets. But you know.... Blue hands and all... It's still worth it. All hail comfort!

This weekend was great. First there was the bloggers' breakfast, which was especially fun this time around. Raino's girls asked about Morty* within seconds of my arrival, which thrilled me to no end. I got to chat with all my favourite folks, and the food wasn't bad either.

Sunday was wonderful. I went over to Brian's house, where we proceeded to drink, eat and record music. In reverse order, now that I think about it. I've got demo version of two new songs, which is so crazy exciting.... We even put some harmonies on. Just imagine what I'll be able to do when I set myself up with some recording gear this summer! Drooool.

I'm spending this week preparing for my gig in Toronto this Saturday. I'm hoping to practice the shit out of my new songs with the hope that I'll remember them during my set. We'll see. At my last gig, I somehow forgot how to play Running Shoes. When I apologized to Brian afterwards, he kindly said, "It wasn't a mistake... It was just a new arrangement."

Kind. Very kind.

*It doesn't fit cleanly into this post, but I have to mention it anyway. My BH and I were walking Morty down the street when we stopped to chat with Megan and Shelley. They were clearing up old grass and leaves from their yard. They had put all the debris in a nice pile, about to be loaded into bags. As we were talking, Morty went over to the pile, sniffed it, straddled it, and peed all over it. "Is he peeing??" Shelley asked. I was mortified, no pun intended. Luckily for me, Shelley and Megan both had serious work gloves on that hopefully protected them from Morty's, um, contribution. Morty looked SO PLEASED with himself...

It appears that choir practice is becoming my therapy.

I had a long day at work yesterday, and then came home to a crappy landlord situation that required me to FLY OFF THE HANDLE. I was so tired from the day that I considered, quite seriously, missing practice.

Luckily, my BH pointed out how little time I've got to learn Magnificat before the performance in December. I threw on my coat and boots, and headed out into the rain to get to the church. The walk was wet and cold, and I was feeling a little grumbly.

Of course, it was all worth it when we started singing. Something wonderful happens to me when we hit perfect, five part harmony.... The floor hums, the echo sings, and I'm completely at peace with the music. When I left at the end of the night, I felt rejuvenated.

This is the part we practiced the most. It gives me goosebumps.

As well as having a great choir practice, I wrote another new song. It feels wonderful to be writing songs after having writer's block for so long. I don't even know what changed to make it happen, but I'm so thankful. I feel functional again. It's amazing that I can actually cope better with my life when I'm being artistic. Or... Maybe that's not amazing at all. Maybe that's what art does to people. Am I right?

Anyway, the new song is tentatively called Bait, Line, Hook. It might also be called The Magpie. We'll see. This Sunday, I'm heading over to my fabulous cousin's place to record some of my new songs. I can't wait. :)

I know it seems that I fell off the blogging wagon after Halloween. That's because I did. Yes indeed.

I've been wanting to blog, but my day job has been kicking my ass. My manager is away and my supervisor has The Flu. That means I've got a whole lot of work to cover. I'm also preparing, albeit in chunks, for my Toronto gig in a week and a half. There's just so much to take care of! Holy brain explosion!

Once the Toronto visit is done, I've got a gig at the 4th stage, a gig in Wakefield, and a good friend's birthday. And that same weekend? The Colombian is coming to town. I'm so excited to see him that I've already started having dreams about it.

Basically, November is nuts. I love it, but I'm a little frazzled.

Anyways. I'm excited for my supervisor to come back from the depths of the Sick. I'm excited to finish my Christmas shopping. I'm excited for choir practice tonight.

And I'm excited to sleep the fuck in this weekend.

Hugs,
Stella

Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween. I sure did!

It's been a fun few days. Rehearsals, gigs, concerts and parties. A little too much beer.

Okay, a LOT too much beer. I spent a good chunk of today cradling my head in my hands.

But hangovers aside, it's been great. Here are some photos of the festivities!

The first one was taken at Raw Sugar's anniversary party. When my BH and I arrived, a few people were in costume, so I happily put on my wrestling outfit. Mask included. Then all the costumed people left and I looked like a nut job, but that's cool. (I am a bit of a nut job)



This is East of Gatineau, a fabulous bluegrass band who shared the bill with me Thursday night.

Some of the instruments from rehearsal.

Julie Doiron!

Herman Dune!

And that's a wrap. More soon, with actual pictures of my costume.

My Halloween costume is almost done. I've got tights, short shorts, a suitable t-shirt, shoes, and a wresting mask. I'm finalizing a cape. Don't worry... There will be pictures when it's all ready.

I had a rehearsal with my cousin last night. I was so tired and so irritable when I arrived, but Brian has a knack for making me chill right out. He also fed me ice cream, which probably helped me cheer up. I'm lactose intolerant, but last night I didn't seem to care (I cared as soon as I left his house though, because eating ice cream when you can't digest lactose is kinda dumb. My bad.)

We played my new song, Stuck in Lowertown, several times over. It seems destined to be eery sounding no matter how I play it. I think we've settled on banjo, guitar and two vocals. I tried to switch up the tempo and key, but it still sounds haunted and depressing. I quite enjoy haunted and depressing songs, so that all good. We'll probably be recording it this week - if I can figure out how to post music on this here blog, maybe y'all can hear it too!

I mentioned last week that I wanted to slow down the gigging as winter arrives, but of course, that's when the gig offers started pouring in. Now I have to decide what I want to do about it.

Tomorrow night is the gig at the Elmdale Tavern, 9pm sharp. Hope to see some of you bloggy folk there!

I stayed up far too late last night, but it was worth it. I was standing right in front of the stage at Babylon, watching Julie Doiron and Herman Dune play their sets. What a great lineup.

It was a quirky evening. My BH and I bought a Herman Dune mug, because I think it will make those cups of tea even more enjoyable. We had friends to hang out with, and we didn't get kicked out by the management, so that's an improvement from our past experiences at that venue......

Anyway, it got me thinking about my life. It's a good one - I know that. I feel very lucky to be surrounded by so many good people. But how do I measure my life? How do I decide that I am doing well, and by what standards? Milan's post reminded me how differently everyone weighs their successes and failures. When I think about it, many of the people I know use wildly different ways to measure out their lives. Here are some examples off the top of my head:

Carbon footprint: I have a few friends who measure just about everything they do by trying to calculate how harmful it is on the environment. Some of them do extremely well, integrating their lifestyle with the pressures of a materialistic society, and some of them struggle to find a reasonable balance.

Money: Many people I know spend all their time trying to accumulate more money. A lot of these people are miserable, but don't tell them that - they will point to their bank accounts to prove you otherwise. It's kind of depressing.

Sex: Some people tie their life's worth to the number of people they date. This can range from perfectly happy and stable adults, to people with very low self esteem, to people who really don't want to commit to anyone. Some of them are just lost.

Lifestyle: I have some friends who pay very close attention to how their lifestyle matches up with those around them. House, car, babies... All achieved because, y'know, isn't that what you're supposed to do? Sometimes they are genuinely happy, and sometimes you can tell that they're wondering what the hell they are doing.

Social life: We probably all place some weight on our friends, our social activities, our life outside the home. Some people are extremely gifted in this area, and don't seem to be drained by the constant demands of having a huge social network. Some people, like me, push it too hard and then hibernate for months at a time.

Work: I know a few people who have very good jobs... And that's it. Life is about their position in the hierarchy of the workplace. Everything is measured according to the possibility of promotion.

Art: There are a lot of artists in my family. Some do it casually, but some are completely engrossed in their art. Usually they maintain a good balance, but I do know of some examples where the art came before family, friends, and grocery bills.

Health: Understandably, I think people who have had major health scares place this much higher than society at large. It's easy to forget about your health until it fails you. I am starting to see this more in my own life, because I know I won't be young and spunky forever.


So the question is.... How do I measure my life?

I think my values continue to change and shift as I age. Maybe my answer to this question in a year's time will be different. But right now, this is it:

I'm starting to value quality over quantity.

Quality in friends - I know a lot of people, but I'm more interested in the people I keep close, and purging myself of bad influences. I've got less and less patience for assholes, and I've noticed lately that I trust very few people. This seems weird to me, but it's true. Quality in home life - I have an amazing partner, a wonderful dog, a great family. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything. My life would be very empty if I didn't have them around. I also try to find balance in my impact on the outside world, but this is tough to manage: I try to keep a diet that is less harmful than most, I travel by plane every few years, I don't own a car, I walk to work, I buy locally whenever I can... But my well-being and happiness still dictate to what extent I follow these things. There are some things I won't give up, like travel, buying books, imported wine, and some foods. I also don't respond well to preaching - I tend to tell people to go fuck themselves if they get all holier-than-thou on me. As for my art, this is an area where I feel like I'm failing. I simply haven't made space for musical growth the way I would like to. This will be a work in progress, I suppose - and hey, I'm actually recording some new songs in the next couple of weeks! As for money, work and lifestyle, I strive to be debt free and stable. I will likely never be rich. That's okay with me.

How do you judge your own life's success? How do you know if you're doing okay? Are there areas you'd like to work on? Tell me all about it. I'm listening.